The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

Having self-confidence is wonderful and a positive quality to successfully navigate life. Self-confidence is a wonderful asset. It allows us to get past fears and doubts and take control of life and decisions. Those with confidence have a positive and optimistic attitude that is easy to be around. Others typically view a confident person as dependable and admirable. However, as often true, too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. Overconfidence is a weakness and most would agree that arrogance is undesirable. There are significant differences between confidence and arrogance.

Confidence is not a belief that one is always right or a sense of being unable to fail. True confidence welcomes alternative perspectives and opinions. A confident person rarely will be found lecturing or preaching to others on how they are wrong. Believing you are always right and unable to accept influence from others can make one obnoxious to be around. Confidence is being willing to be wrong and knowing you’ll be ok if you are. A truly self-confident person is able to show vulnerability and admit to past mistakes.

Both the confident and arrogant person is aware of personal areas of strength and ability. However, a confident person has little difficulty seeing others gifts and strengths while the arrogant cannot. Additionally a confident person does not insist on the adoration of others for their skills or abilities. People who are self-confident show it with their actions, not by their words. Self -confidence is knowledge of ability while arrogance insists on sharing successes with others. There is a quiet calm in the truly confident that the arrogant do not posess. If you find yourself constantly trying to impress friends, family or others with your skills and abilities, you have crossed the line into arrogance.

Confidence and arrogance come from different sources. Arrogance is rooted in insecurity – a defense from feelings of weakness that are unacceptable and unclaimed. An arrogant person generally has a skewed view of the world and a warped understanding of themselves. However, a confident person can accept their weaknesses or faults with grace – even though they may not like them.

Arrogant people build themselves up by putting others down - to “win”. Buddhism asserts that arrogance is to judge one’s self-worth by comparison with others. Arrogant people feel good about themselves only through affirming their superiority to others. Genuinely confident people feel great about themselves without comparing themselves with others. Arrogant people tend to bluff their way to success and often have difficulty listening to others. This person will avoid risks or blame others or circumstances if things do not work out as expected.

Arrogant people can and often do have successes but there are significant costs. Relationships are often shallow and superficial or strained. Additionally, professional successes can be fragile due to difficulties in accepting guidance and feedback and impaired abilities to accept and learn from mistakes.

While, not always arrogant, some are plague with an overconfidence that can be problematic. This is most typically seen with inexperience and immaturity. By definition, an overconfident person tends to overestimate the chances of success of an endeavor and underestimate the risks. Because of the self-deception involved, overconfidence tends to make people unable to make effective and successful decisions.

Strive for honest self-acceptance and nurture self-confidence. Beware the pitfalls of crossing the line into overconfidence or arrogance. As with most things in life, the healthy place is always with balance in the middle.

Are You Too Sensitive??

Have you ever felt you are too sensitive? Have spouses, parents, friends, or coworkers labeled you thin skinned and insisted you just needed to “toughen up”, “learn to take a joke” or “get over it”? If you hear these admonitions on a regular basis; or if you frequently experience an intense sense of rejection or pain in interactions, you may be among those identified as highly sensitive. Clearly, some are just more empathic and sensitive than others and this trait can create some difficulties. In a culture that values confident, bold extroverts, sensitivity is often seen as a flaw. However, Elaine Aron, PhD, author of The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, asserts that high sensitivity is a normal trait for about 20 percent and is certainly not a sign of a mental flaw or disorder.

Innate temperament has a very real role in an individual’s level of sensitivity. Differences in a general level of emotional responsiveness can be observed in early infancy. Research has shown that there are genetic influences in the level of sensitivity. Jerome Kagan, PhD, a professor of psychology at Harvard has tracked children from infancy through adolescence and found that a moody teenager was likely to have been a more fretful toddler.

While these early inclinations exist, environment does much to determine what the ultimate level of sensitivity will be. A sensitive child who is positively responded to may become less fearful and self-conscious. However, a sensitive child with overprotective parents can become even more fearful; and a sensitive child more easily hurt if regularly criticized. Additionally, parents of a highly sensitive child may experience extreme frustrations and get upset by a child’s tears, angry outbursts, and moodiness rather than help the child learn to self sooth the distress. This child may develop feelings of being unimportant and grow even more sensitive. As a child’s level of sensitivity deepens, they experience feelings of hurt by the most innocent interactions. Alternatively, the baby who coos at everyone, being unafraid of strangers, gets more positive attention which helps in becoming even secure and independent.

While sensitivity creates challenges, the positive aspects far outweigh the negative. Sensitive people value others and encourage others to know that their opinions matter. They are good listeners, and they are naturally empathetic. Many highly sensitive people are unusually creative, attentive and thoughtful partners, and intellectually gifted individuals. Because they are so acutely aware of their own imperfections, they tend to be more understanding about the imperfections of others. Sensitivity contributes to kindness, and compassion. Maybe you are not too sensitive. Maybe no one is. However, learning to be less reactive to your sensitivity can be helpful.


A few tools to consider so sensitivity is less reactive:
• Stall. Give yourself enough time to reflect before responding.
• It’s not all about you. Sometimes sensitivity encourages over personalization. Everybody at times has bad days, gets busy, and doesn’t feel well - - other’s behaviors may be about them - - not you.
• Consider the source. Some people love to bait others to see a reaction, some are just uninformed, some unkind. Every opinion should not be given equal weight.
• Distract. Don’t ruminate on the feeling. Positive distractions are important. Take a walk. Watch a movie. Laugh.
• Vent. Don’t store up negative emotions. Talk with a friend or journal to process your feelings.
• Be honest with yourself about your positives and remember them. The more you are aware of your own strengths the less deeply damaging criticism will be.

Accepting yourself as a highly sensitive person is possible when you learn to minimize over-reactions and recognize the positives of being an empathetic, sensitive person.