Families Coping with Serious Mental Illness

A serious mental illness is a disease that causes moderate to severe disturbances in thought and/or behavior, resulting in an inability to cope with life’s ordinary demands and routines. Most people believe that mental disorders are rare and “happen to someone else”. In fact, mental disorders are common and an estimated 54 million Americans suffer from some form of mental disorder.

Mental illnesses may be caused by a reaction to environmental stresses, genetic factors, biochemical imbalances, or a combination of these. Mental illnesses cannot be overcome through “will power” and are not related to a person’s character or intelligence. With appropriate care and treatment, which typically includes both medications and behavioral interventions, between 70 and 90 percent of individuals have significant reductions of symptoms and improved quality of life. Early identification and treatment is vitally important.

The mental illness of one member affects the entire family. Most families are not prepared to cope with the physical and emotional demands a diagnosis of serious mental illness such as major depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or borderline personality disorder brings. Constant stress and difficulty can create profound family problems.

There are many myths and misconceptions surrounding mental illness. When someone you love is diagnosed with a serious mental illness, you may experience feelings of denial, shock, sadness, anger, guilt, resentment or even shame. You may worry about what other people will think because of the negative associations to mental illness in our society. It is helpful to accept your feelings as normal and common among families going through similar situations.

One of the greatest difficulties for families in accepting any life altering illness of a loved one is dealing with a changed future and expectations. Families grieve for what might have been and for their loved one. The loss of the person we knew is deeply felt.

Some basic suggestions for family members of a seriously mentally ill person:

• Accept the illness and its difficult consequences – denial or pretending “this is not really serious” or “this will pass” delays finding needed help
• Learn about your loved one’s illness by reading and talking with mental health professionals
• Develop realistic expectations for the ill person and yourself
• Recognize that it may take time to find the proper medications that work
• Accept all the help and support you can get
• Keep a sense of humor
• Join a support group
• Take physical and emotional care of yourself
• Stay optimistic

Family acceptance of mental illness includes an understanding that it’s nobody’s fault and that while the illness is a sad and difficult life experience, it can be survived. There are resources to help. The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) is a non-profit organization that provides education, support and advocacy for those with mental illness and their family members. NAMI sponsors a free 12-week course for family caregiver of individuals with severe mental illness that discusses the clinical treatment of illnesses and teaches the knowledge and skills that family members need to cope more effectively. To obtain information on this or other services offered by NAMI go to www.nami.org.

Why Live an Unhurried Life?

The concept of living an unhurried life is proposed in many magazines, books - - - even from pulpits and it brings great rewards. The balance found in living at a less frenetic pace brings back time - - time to experience, time to listen, time to think, and time to embrace a moment. We must choose to slow down, eat slowly, walk slowly, and speak slowly. Living at a fast pace makes it difficult to care for and respect the other people in our family and community. Loving and respectful relationships demand that we slow down

It is difficult to live an unhurried life in our fast paced world, especially when being busy and productive is viewed by society as praiseworthy. Too many experience feelings of guilt when not constantly being occupied and productive. A common yet misguided modern attitude is that if I can speed myself up, I can be more competitive and successful. No wonder amphetamines are so popular! However, being in a constant hurry does not allow love to be felt to its fullest, which is the goal of healthy parenting and family life.

An unhurried parent takes the time to explain to their child where they are going. Hurried parents tell their children to get in the car. Unhurried people take time to chat with a sales clerk, while the hurried is impatient and possibly rude in their need to be finished and move to the next thing. The unhurried think about how to show love to others – with encouragement, the right gift, and a kindness. The unhurried are less vulnerable to frustrations, irritations and angers of daily life.

Our children – especially teens – find pressure to live in an ever increasing pace so that they can compete successfully. The student who is able to obtain information quickly often gets better grades and is more successful. It is a sad reality that a student without success in Honors and Advanced Placement (AP) classes will not be accepted into the most respected colleges. Years ago success in high school did not have to include having college credits at the time of graduation. It is important we stop pushing our teens to rush through each season in life.

A first step in slowing down is to establish priorities. While most verbalize that family relationships are central, often our daily decisions do not reflect this. Television, cell phones and the computer can create convenient paths to avoid interactions with others. The addictive quality of information technology steals time from family life. Technology is not bad. However, the role technology plays in our lives needs examination. Checking email and answering messages, preoccupations with chat rooms, and focus on computer-based relationships fostered by My Space and Face Book, sometimes take priority over interactions with family.

Native people teach insulating from the stress of modern life by slowing down the pace of living. One technique is described in the principle that “if the sun catches you out of bed you will have a long life”. Learning to slow down by getting up early helps with stress because there is time to reflect and get centered before others and the demands of the day are awakened. Having the silence of the morning to ourselves before the rush of school and work makes us more kind and patient with children, spouses, fellow commuters, and coworkers. It is also helpful to identify the most rushed part of your day and find one or two changes that can ease the stress, and allow you to slow down.

Love demands that we cultivate the ability to slow down, to set priorities that encourage health, creativity and to learn beneficial ways to reduce the stress of modern life. Leading an unhurried life and slowing the day down are ways of improving the quality of life.