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Friday, March 9, 2012

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

Having self-confidence is wonderful and a positive quality to successfully navigate life. Self-confidence is a wonderful asset. It allows us to get past fears and doubts and take control of life and decisions. Those with confidence have a positive and optimistic attitude that is easy to be around. Others typically view a confident person as dependable and admirable. However, as often true, too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. Overconfidence is a weakness and most would agree that arrogance is undesirable. There are significant differences between confidence and arrogance.

Confidence is not a belief that one is always right or a sense of being unable to fail. True confidence welcomes alternative perspectives and opinions. A confident person rarely will be found lecturing or preaching to others on how they are wrong. Believing you are always right and unable to accept influence from others can make one obnoxious to be around. Confidence is being willing to be wrong and knowing you’ll be ok if you are. A truly self-confident person is able to show vulnerability and admit to past mistakes.

Both the confident and arrogant person is aware of personal areas of strength and ability. However, a confident person has little difficulty seeing others gifts and strengths while the arrogant cannot. Additionally a confident person does not insist on the adoration of others for their skills or abilities. People who are self-confident show it with their actions, not by their words. Self -confidence is knowledge of ability while arrogance insists on sharing successes with others. There is a quiet calm in the truly confident that the arrogant do not posess. If you find yourself constantly trying to impress friends, family or others with your skills and abilities, you have crossed the line into arrogance.

Confidence and arrogance come from different sources. Arrogance is rooted in insecurity – a defense from feelings of weakness that are unacceptable and unclaimed. An arrogant person generally has a skewed view of the world and a warped understanding of themselves. However, a confident person can accept their weaknesses or faults with grace – even though they may not like them.

Arrogant people build themselves up by putting others down - to “win”. Buddhism asserts that arrogance is to judge one’s self-worth by comparison with others. Arrogant people feel good about themselves only through affirming their superiority to others. Genuinely confident people feel great about themselves without comparing themselves with others. Arrogant people tend to bluff their way to success and often have difficulty listening to others. This person will avoid risks or blame others or circumstances if things do not work out as expected.

Arrogant people can and often do have successes but there are significant costs. Relationships are often shallow and superficial or strained. Additionally, professional successes can be fragile due to difficulties in accepting guidance and feedback and impaired abilities to accept and learn from mistakes.

While, not always arrogant, some are plague with an overconfidence that can be problematic. This is most typically seen with inexperience and immaturity. By definition, an overconfident person tends to overestimate the chances of success of an endeavor and underestimate the risks. Because of the self-deception involved, overconfidence tends to make people unable to make effective and successful decisions.

Strive for honest self-acceptance and nurture self-confidence. Beware the pitfalls of crossing the line into overconfidence or arrogance. As with most things in life, the healthy place is always with balance in the middle.

17 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for this post, especially for the Buddhist perspective. Thank you!

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  2. This is sharp! I like the word of wisdom early in the morning:) Seriously, it made me think about my place in this dichotomy... Very provocative, thoughtful. Thanks!

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  3. Enjoyed this description - clear and wise. Buddist thoughts helpful. Thank you!
    www.therapistsonline.co.za

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  4. Enjoyed the post, however, I do wish that overconfidence would receive *some* positive light.... If only for the bit of self belief it indicates, and we could all benefit from some self belief.

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  5. It is a concept which is easier to say than to exemplify. I struggle each day, always concerned that I may at any point cross the line from confidence into arrogance.

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  6. This was helpful. I'm dealing with a performance issue at work and struggling to decide whether the person in question is arrogant (how he comes across) or simply misunderstood. Your post brings clarify to this fine line.

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  7. It would be helpful if you could elaborate on your statement, "Self -confidence is knowledge of ability while arrogance insists on sharing successes with others." I am a bit confused because it would seem to me that sharing success with others is a sign of confidence in others and your ability to find rewards working with others. Thank You.

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  8. I do agree its a fine line. I personally struggle with the balance and dont want to be perceived as arrogant because i truly want to be the best i can be. I believe their are people more talented than i and by comparison it gives me something to Work toward. I do realize now trying to become a leader that I don't want colleges to feel that they are being put down by my critism but instead just looking from the view of a different set of pros vs cons. The hard thing is being labled as cocky its hard to express your views while being confident without being labeled arrogant. This article has been helpful in breaking the label of cocky or arrogant

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  9. Thank you so much for this fine article. It has turned my night of loneliness and disappointment into a more hopeful and confident night. Very well written. Honest, and positive.

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  10. I am sometimes classed as arrogant although after reading this excellant blog, the only
    arrogant extract of my personna is the fact that I do "preach" my opinion on things I am confident in.If, however someone proves me wrong, I am willing to conceed

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  11. This is so well written and captures the truth. Thank you so much for sharing!

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  12. Thanks for your blog this really help me to understand me. I have always been told that I was arrogant and I always disagree I've always been confident and stood for what I believe in I would often find myself standing up for others and people are fine with that part of me but as soon as I don't allow them to dump their garbage into my spirit I'm arrogant

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  13. Thank you very much, this is just the article I was looking for.

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  14. Is there a way to share this article with my parents without seeming hypocritical? If I point out their arrogance, wouldn't that make me arrogant as well? Any help with this would be great because they have both crossed the line and don't seem to realize it. Great article by the way.

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  15. This was an excellent article, very informative and interesting. Thank you.

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  16. This is an excellent article. Blends well with my definition of Maslow hierarchy. How often we cross the line from confidence to arrogant until someone points them out. In normal situations, most confident persons end up gravitating to the ways of rogue side to assert their self-worth.

    There is one thing missing in the definition of a confident person ;resources (yep currency) to keep their hearth alive. Otherwise, confident persons too gravitate to lowest form of Maslow heirrachy.

    As a doctoral student in Applied Management and Decision Sciences, learnt a lot about life's purpose through research and experiences and this article confirms my beliefs.

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  17. Excellent article. Works fine in advanced societies. Would confidence help in poor societies where rogue side is the way of life?

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